More of My Emo-ness

Posted: June 24, 2008 in Uncategorized

I’ve heard that psychology classes make people into
hypochondriacs of sorts.  These classes
also give you just enough information to think everyone else has some disorder
or another.  Maybe I’m being ridiculous,
so whatever I say should be treated with a grain of salt.  After all, I did recently proclaim myself the
Red Ranger…   We have been talking about
attachment in my Human Growth and Development class.  In addition to that, this time of year is
pretty heavy for me what with all the anniversaries of parental loss. 

Early on in life, we all have to resolve a Trust versus
Mistrust of the caregiver.  Can you trust
mom to resolve your needs?  Can you trust
her not to?  In my case, I’ve been
thinking that I came to trust her not to take care of a lot of my needs.  Sad? 
Yes.  Reasonable conclusion?  Maybe. 
The basic needs were always met in one way or another.  I had food and a roof.  In other cases, I was pretty much on my own.  My schooling was my own responsibility very
early on.  In high school, I paid for all
of my own stuff.  Before I had a job,
this meant saving up my $1 a week allowance so I could buy everything I didn’t
have left over from last year.  After I
started working that got a lot easier. 

Attachment style apparently stays with you your whole
life.  Despite the various hardships, I
was attached to my mother.  I’m pretty
sure it wasn’t a self preservation thing. 
Capital punishment was the rule.  All
my friends know how many wooden spoons we had with unbroken handles (0).  I’ve been checked over under a flashlight by
the police.  I got my first bloody lip
before I was 1 year old.  And so on.  This is all beating a dead horse, and it’s
beside the point anyway.  I get attached
to someone who can answer a few of my needs, and then I refuse any and all help
from that person.  I don’t leave, no
matter what sort of horror comes along. 

We confuse tough with broken.  I like to think I’m hardcore, but I don’t
even know what hardcore looks
like.  I’m really just broken.  I’ve resolved my developmental issues in a
bad way.  I’m not as bad as many, and
none of this has any bearing on who I love.  The only reason I feel free to post this at
all is the extremely limited readership of this blog.

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Comments
  1. Sam says:

    Hey!  I’m reading it!  If you ever want to BS with me about anything give me a shout/PM/Email/Xbox Live message!

  2. Roberta says:

    Well what the hell is wrong with me??? DON’T ANSWER THAT… ITS A TRAP!!! I love you and sometimes just figuring it all out is more than half the battle! I will be home from July 29th-August 6th… I’m gonna go to Baron’s war and you better come and see me and party with me!

  3. Heidi says:

    all i can offer is a internet hug.  (man!!!!! these internet hugs suck!!!!  real ones are better  lol!!!!)  well anyhow, i am here for ye if ye need me.

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