I Owe Someone

Posted: September 10, 2008 in Uncategorized
I remember a previous iteration of me.  He was an impulsive juggernaut.  He had his troubles, but he could handle them.  He was unstoppable.  This man had stared into the darkness on the edge of so many precipices and he knew what to do: jump!  I have done some changing, but I do believe I changed some of the wrong things about myself.  Perhaps it’s best to start this at the beginning.

Once upon a time (lol!) there was a ridiculously insecure teenager.  He didn’t talk to people who weren’t his friends.  He didn’t do things he wasn’t sure he could be good at.  He played Magic and kept his head down around the popular kids.  He tried to get a good ponytail going, but couldn’t handle that in-between time where it kind of looks like crap.  There is more to the back-story, but I don’t want to bore you.

One day, high school ended.  That was it.  All the things this teenager knew had come to an end.  He hadn’t graduated, but that is another story.  His summer was spent finding a job, and he did.  He still didn’t get a car, but he had good friends.  His best friends stuck by him, and he felt pretty good.  He grew a goatee, and felt even better.  The homecoming game for his old high-school rolled around, and since nobody had anything better to do, they went.  Football games are not normally transformative, and this one wasn’t either, but our hero did notice something.  All those people he had feared and reviled just 3 months ago were getting out of his way when he walked.  He realized that these people couldn’t hurt him anymore.  Talk about a fucking eye-opener!  There wasn’t anything to be afraid of.

I’m tired of talking about myself in that particular manner, so this is where we stop pretending like maybe I’m writing about someone else.  Anyway, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune eventually beat me down the same way they do everyone else.  Many of us don’t realize it, or we say, "I’m more mature now."  Why the hell would you give up the spontaneity and courage of youth?  Sure, things still need to get done.  I’m not saying that we should all just let our ids run the show.  I am saying that my id hasn’t been out to play in a long time.  I’ve been afraid of everything before, then it went away, then it came back.  I think it’s time that all that fear went away again. 

If this seems a little oddly written, I got halfway through and then abandoned it for 3 days.  I still know what I’m talking about though, so this is how it’s gonna be.

  1. Deandra says:

    Hey, luv!I know what you’re getting at, and you’re right on track!The way I see it, none of us are perfect–far from it–but kids really do know how to live, and we should be takin notes.I’m so glad to see ya smilin!Keep givin hugs, takin small risks, and findin reasons to laugh every day.Ciao!XOXOXO

  2. Deandra says:

    btw: kudos to whomever is opening your mind!

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