Down, but never Out

Posted: April 2, 2011 in Mental health
Tags: ,

Dear Cat,

I’m glad you’re worried about me. I’ve been pretty worried about me too. Thing is, I’m going to be okay. Let me explain…

Normally I know better than to let a girl be such a big part of my life. I’ve been burned enough to know that fire’s hot. This one – well, I could talk to her. Stuff I didn’t feel like I could share with anyone. That’s why I’ve been so broken. I could talk to her, and she basically brought me back to life when I had settled into a comfortable state of failure. I know I have to be responsible for my own happiness, but I had forgotten that I wasn’t happy.

As for being like Mom, you’re absolutely right; I do tend to focus on the negatives. The difference is that there are a few things I know I’m good at. I’m not good at taking a compliment, and I worry that I’m too cocky sometimes. I’m just trying to figure out a balance.

I’m not seeing a doctor or anything, but I shared the details that I know about Mom’s life toward the end. I make sure I get out of the house often even though I’m not employed yet, and I gave everyone I know a list of things to watch out for. I know people love me, even when I can’t accept it. I may not be able to ask for help very well, but I am letting people help me.

Thanks for worrying.

Love,
Justin

I know my posting has been kind of erratic lately.  Basically, you’ve all been watching me work through some pretty brutal stuff.  I’m not good at handling personal disasters like this, so if it got ugly or scary, I apologize.  I’m not going to claim that I’m in the clear just yet, but I will make it.  Sometimes I just need it to get dark so I can see that I’m surrounded by stars.

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Comments
  1. jenna says:

    I am leaving a comment! Even if you can’t take a compliment or realize how many of your friends truly care, they’re not going to stop. (At least the ones I know of) You’re dealing the best you can and taking appropriate preventative measures. That’s all any of us can ask for.

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