Faced

Posted: June 7, 2011 in Deep Thoughts

My digital persona is once again cause for distress.

Honesty and transparency are the best policy. This isn’t something I’ve been told. Okay, so it IS something I’ve been told, but it’s also something that I’ve tested extensively. Trying to live double and triple lives has been taxing and painful in the past, so I do my best to avoid such shenanigans. I don’t have to keep track of who I’m supposed to be. I can be all of me, and as I’ve noted, I’m greater than the sum of my parts.

I am friends with a lot of people on Facebook. They don’t all get along. I don’t really ask them to. The only thing I ask is that they be my friends.

There’s a girl (there’s ALWAYS a girl) who finds my taste in friends… distasteful. I know why. The reason is again unimportant. I daresay I hate some of her friends, but I never ask her not to hang out with them. I choose not to be around them myself because I doubt my ability to be civil. I got the WTF message informing me of her displeasure. As of writing this, I have not responded to it. I hear from her maybe every other day or so. Her actions and her words don’t match when it comes to me. I don’t let that bother me. What does bother me is that I give her all the space she professes to need and I’m seen as inattentive. I fancy myself a fairly smart guy, but I’m not a mind reader. How do I win when I’ve got two sets of conflicting instructions? I can hear my own voice whisper the solution in my ear, but I haven’t decided whether or not to listen.

So many people have been there for me when I needed them. I do whatever I can to be there for people when they need me. Savior complex? Maybe. That’s another thing that doesn’t matter. I’ve given all I have to give. I may not be able to take the weight of my own gaze in the mirror, but whatever happened on Facebook isn’t the reason.

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